Weeks 22-33

It's been a while.  I've been busy.  Started a new job, health issues, family issues, etc.  Basically life happened. 

Time moved on pretty fast from weeks 22-33 for me.  I do remember week 33 the best. 

I have such a long story that I wonder how many times I can write this remembering all the details with perfect precision. It's hard when there's so many details and so much that happened. Grab some popcorn and some kleenex, you might need it.  I wanted to allow everyone to read this since I know I've never shared it publicly before.  Some know the story, but not all the details.  This is most everything I remember.  If I hadn't lived this nightmare I might believe it fabrication, but I promise this is all truth!

July 4, 2011, I'm sitting at home watching fireworks on TV. I'm 33 weeks pregnant, we decorated my belly for the occasion, celebrating that I reached 33 weeks and celebrating the fourth of July as well. Red and Blue markers spelled out Happy 4th! And 33 weeks on my belly with stars all over the hugely swollen belly I used to announce to everyone another week had gone by. I was feeling a tad upset that I felt like I put my foot in my mouth by finding out a former classmate of mine had lost her baby at 15 weeks. I had publicly asked her how her pregnancy was going and she responded to me. I was asked in return how I was doing since I was so hugely pregnant at the time. I felt like a dumba$$ for even saying anything, but supported her. I felt bad for her and didn't speak much about my pregnancy to her fearful I was rubbing it in her face.


July 5, 2011, my nieces ages 3 and 1 at the time were brought to me early in the morning for me to babysit while everyone else went to work. Mom wouldn't be home until well after 9pm, brother wouldn't be out of work until after 7pm, brother's gf and mother of his children that I was watching wouldn't be out until close to 8pm, and lastly hubby wouldn't be out until 8pm. So me hugely pregnant watching two very active little girls, shortly after the girls' mom left I started having some painful contractions. I'd been having some painful ones recently but they were just Braxton Hicks and weren't progressing me any, they were just being annoying. So because I'd been having so many, I was given turbutaline to help keep me comfortable. I took one then sat down with a 32 oz water and watched my nieces playing and watched movies with them. Contractions went away for a bit. When the medicine wore off I was back to hurting. I noticed I was in a bit more pain than I had been in previously and I noticed I was snapping at my nieces and it brought me back down to earth. Something was up and I needed to get checked out. I called my brother at this point and told him what was going on. As soon as I got it out of my mouth what was happening, I felt a gush. I freaked out and told him that I thought my water had broken right then. It's about 4 pm, so the times that people were supposed to be done with work are relevant here. I don't know what made me do it but I did; I reached down and put my hand down at the wet spot on my pants, my hand came back with my worst fear... blood, I was heavily bleeding at 33 weeks and I was so alone with two very young little girls in my house. I just told my brother I'm calling my hubby and letting him know, just for him or his gf to get there ASAP so we could go. I called hubby's boss since he wasn't allowed to keep his phone on his at work and I was told to call her if an emergency came up. I called her and she picked up (thank God!) I asked her if she was still at work, I was told she was in the parking lot about to leave and I freaked out, I practically yelled at her to go get Jason and send him home that I was bleeding like crazy and it felt like my water broke. The pain was increasing really bad at this point. It was one big contraction that wouldn't let up at all. She handed the phone over to Jason and I recalled what was going on to him and he left. his boss asked if there was anything I needed her to do. YES! Someone needs to watch the girls! She followed hubby home and I called my brother telling him that I had someone to watch the girls until they got here. When Jason came in the house, he helped me to the bathroom in the back of the house so I could change, I didn't want to get blood all over either vehicle! So I'm stripped from the waist down sitting on the toilet still gushing blood and water. I felt like I was about pass out. I told him I think he needed to call an ambulance to get me because there was no way I could make it on my own to the vehicle. He's calling 911 while I'm laying on the floor stripped from the waist down laying on a towel I thought to lay down so my bare bottom wasn't just laying on the cold hard floor. I asked for a pillow and for someone to call my mom while we were waiting on the paramedics. Paramedics came and I became a bit mortified to look up and 5 (yes FIVE!!!) MALE paramedics are hovering over me. Some weren't that bad looking. Got the grandpa of the group kneeled next to me, "I need to do this is that OK?" At like everything which was very irritating to me since I was in so much pain and lost half my blood volume before they could get to me. I finally told him I work in healthcare, I know you have to do it, just do it and get me out of here please! That was the worst ambulance ride in my life. I'm strapped down to a metal scooper on the stretcher in the back with two paramedics trying to get my collapsing veins to take two IVs before they could take off. I'm still gushing blood and being given the third degree about me going to the doctor like I was supposed to (yes I really was at my OB's office just a week before, my next appointment isn't for another week! I have been to every appointment not missing one, and yes everything has been fine until now!!!!!), I'm in an 11/10 on the pain scale now. My thoughts were sitting in my living room worried about my nieces and how they had to see me being carried out. Then the ambulance lurched forward shifting my weight to the back and increasing the pain. This went on for the whole 30 min (gosh it seemed much longer than that to me) to the hospital push on the brakes and it would shift me, push the gas and I'd get shifted again. The whole time I'm crying out to God and Jesus. The paramedic it felt was ignoring me. I was in so much pain I wanted to roll over to try and see if that would ease it (it was worth a try in my mind at the time!) but paramedic dude said I needed to stay on my left side it was best for the baby. I'm rolling my eyes now at him... I wanna roll over not be strapped down to the stretcher! We get to the hospital and they put me in the triage room to start off with. A whole crew is there to greet me. They get out the doppler to try and hear the heartbeat and they aren't getting much of anything. Pull in the ultrasound machine, doc yells out that I've got an abruption, the staff spring into action. I've never seen medical personnel that panicked in my life. I was rushed into the OR. I asked some questions on my way there. (Wait you guys are knocking me out right? Yes there's no time for an epidural. Was there a heartbeat? Yes a faint one! Let's get going then! What's the hold up?) I had to push my big pregnant and painful butt over to the c section table, people are still scrambling. I felt the catheter being put in as they were asking were anesthesia was. My belly was prepped, things were going on all around me and I'm still panicked like crazy and I'm being asked if I'm expecting a girl or boy and what is the name. Anesthesia finally gets there and she puts the medicine in my IV on my right arm. The mask is put on me and we wait... and wait. Why is she not asleep? They fiddle with my IV a bit a think it's not in correctly. So they go over to my left arm, and it works. The last image in my mind is the doctor with the blade over my belly about to tear into me.

I wake up and I start asking for my family, my brother mainly and my nieces, wait who is here anyway? Then it dawns on my why I'm laying there, and I ask the important question. "I'm so sorry, we tried to resuscitate her for 21 minutes but it didn't work. I couldn't cry or anything. I just had a c section and my belly hurts, it feels better than it did before but I'm not numb. I feel it and it hurts like crazy. They pull me into recovery and I'm told that they had to give me two bags of blood to replace what I had lost. I asked how soon my family could come back, and if I could hold my daughter, but I wanted my family in the room when I hold her because I wanted them to have the chance to hold her as well. They told me they took pictures as well and I could have them as well as several other items they were giving me. I stayed for 6 days in the hospital, visitors coming in and out, leaving things for me. My blood pressure was sky high from pre eclampsia and toxemia. Her funeral was the Saturday after I was released on July 16, 2011.